Dukes & His Comeuppance

This is just too sweet to ignore.

The former Devil Ray and admitted crack-cocaine advocate himself is on poop scooper duty in order to get his probation reduced. You missed a spot, Eli:

To get his misdemeanor probation cut short by five months, former Tampa Bay Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes spent 25 hours during the past week cleaning out cages and mopping at Lowry Park Zoo.

Attorney Grady Irvin and a team official for the Nationals, who traded for Dukes in December, said the ballplayer also passed weekly drug tests for six months.

Dukes, 23, removed large diamond stud earrings and tucked his silver chain under his T-shirt before standing before the judge. The former Hillsborough High standout kept his head down throughout the hearing, looking up and smiling only after the judge granted his request.

“You are in a wonderful position to be such a positive influence on so many young people that these are the kinds of things that prevent you from being that example,” Conrad said. “With great gifts I think you have great responsibilities as well. I’m hoping this experience, albeit for six months … will at least set a positive turn for your future.”

The words responsibility and Elijah Dukes mix like V8 and Hershey syrup.

Wright Tells Milledge To Shut Up

The New York Mets do not like Lastings Milledge. After all they traded him - a potential Gary Sheffield type - for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider.

The love fest doesn't stop there, as David Wright and [of course] Billy Wagner took exception to comments Milledge made to Sports Illustrated upon his arrival at Nationals training camp:

"I can't go through anything worse than I went through in New York. It only gets better from here," Milledge said. "A lot of veterans didn't like the way I play the game. They thought I didn't respect it."

Milledge added: "The vets here (on the Nationals) have no problem with me. They know I respect (the game). They know I work hard."

"Enough is enough," David Wright said yesterday. "You're a Washington National now. Don't worry about what happened last year or the year before that. Just go out there and try to help the Nationals win.

"It makes no sense to bash your former team. He just needs to turn the page and worry about helping the Washington Nationals. Forget about what we're doing over here. Forget about the New York Mets."

This is a no-win situation when viewing the situation as an outside observer. Milledge probably had some growing up to do, but his make-up issues seemed to be very much exaggerated. After hitting an important homerun, running down your the foul line at your homefield and high-fiving excited Mets fans is youthful enthusiasm, not cockiness or showing up the opposition. If Milledge had released a rock record - and not a hip hop album - littered with profanity, methinks the youngster would not have received half the commotion.

On the other hand, Milledge could have shown some class and progress by keeping his mouth shut this Spring, but he could not manage to do so. Whether or not he hits his ceiling becomes more a question of maturity than physicality. The question remains, can Milledge put the trivialities aside and just play ball, or will he continue to fumble his priorities. At least he can always turn to the new Elijah Dukes for inspiration.

Carl Crawford Owns Delmon Young. Crawford and Young have begun a war of words ever since the latter was traded to Minnesota and Elijah Dukes to Washington. Following their collective departures, Crawford told the media the Devil Rays would enjoy a more comfortable, relaxed clubhouse without the presence of Young and Dukes. Young took exception, and fired back at Crawford. Then Crawford got angry and shot back once more:

Carl Crawford has a message for former teammate Delmon Young: Shut up.

Irritated at Young’s reaction to his comments about the Rays having a calmer clubhouse without Young and Elijah Dukes, Crawford spoke out early Friday morning.

“These are exactly the the kind of distractions we were talking about with the Rays, a young guy popping off at the mouth, talking too much,’’ Crawford said. “He needs to just shut up and play baseball.’’

Crawford said that if Young didn’t fully understand his comments about the Rays benefiting from having fewer distractions, Crawford said he will be more than willing to explain it. After reading Young’s comments in the Times early Friday morning, Crawford was animated in his response:

“Nobody even mentioned the word losing, losing games. We know we’ve been a losing franchise. He just wanted to say something back like he’s always running his mouth. That’s what he does. He runs his mouth all the time. Nobody was blaming him for anything. For him to come back at me was a personal attack. I feel that if there is anything that he is unsure about, tell him I would be more than happy to say it in his face, or any kind of other way, that would make him understand.”

That first Twins-Rays game should be fun to watch.

Burgos' Bling Burglarized,The 'Real' Dukes Shows Up

Ambiorix Burgos had his chain snatched. How does a pitcher this bad carry around jewelry this expensive?

New York Mets reliever Ambiorix Burgos had $270,000 in jewelry stolen from his hotel room here Tuesday after leaving it in a shaving bag, Port St. Lucie police said.

Most of the bling was recovered last night, according to a police spokesman, but Burgos went to the police station today after the Mets’ full-squad workout and discovered four to five pieces worth $20,000-$30,000 were still missing.

The theft happened when Burgos, who made $415,000 with the Mets last season, switched floors of his hotel near the Mets’ Tradition Field complex. Cops say Burgos left the bag with the jewelry in his earlier room, and when he went to get it back, it was gone.

Burgos, 23, had a large diamond necklace and an assortment of bracelets, chains, watches and rings in the bag. The Dominican Republic native told The Post today that he stored the jewelry in the bag because the Spring Hill Suites doesn’t have room safes.

Let's get this math straight. Had jewelry worth an estimated $270,000 stolen from him and he made a total of $400,000 last year for the Mets. That mean - using my superlative mathematical skills - Burgos was wearing trinkets worth nearly 3/4ths of his entire paycheck for 2007. Ok . . . to each his own.


Elijah Dukes is a changed man. At least that's what the article says.

Elijah Dukes, the talented but troubled outfielder acquired by the Washington Nationals over the winter, reported to spring training this afternoon and declared himself a changed man.

“I’ve been working on myself a long time,” the 23-year-old said in a press conference at Space Coast Stadium. “I finally found a breakthrough, and from now on, everybody gets a chance to really see [what] the real Elijah Dukes is like.”

...Dukes has been working extensively with a player adviser hired by the Nationals to mentor and watch over him. General manager Jim Bowden said the adviser, James Williams, has spent nearly every waking moment with Dukes over the last two months, at times even sleeping at the player’s house.

“He kind of comes in and gives me that tough love and shoots it to me straight,” Dukes said. “We kind of do things together that kind of reflect a kind of father and son type thing. That’s a good feeling to always have.”

Sorry, but I will never get over this radio interview in which Dukes describes the benefits of crack-cocaine. If he has turned his life around, congratulations. Excuse me while I reserve judgment on Mr. Put Up Ya Dukes.