The Story Of Adam Jones & His Hip

This is the story of Adam Jones and his hip-bone. The tale is told in sequential order. We begin with the whispers of a completed blockbuster trade between two American League teams . . .

1/27/08 - The Sojo Says So

· The Seattle Times reports that an Erik Bedard deal which would send the lefty to Safeco Field is all but completed. It is believed the Orioles will receive Seattle Mariners star outfield prospect Adam Jones as well as a package of top prospects in return. The Baltimore Sun disagrees, reporting no deal has been finalized.

· Jones and his winter ball manager and Yankee icon Luis Sojo are quoted as saying Jones is destined for Baltimore to take a physical which would complete the trade for Bedard. The Orioles of course deny the claim, and the plot thickens.

1/28/08 - A Done Deal Undone?

· ESPN reports Orioles Owner and resident jackass Peter Angelos has yet to sign off on a proposed Bedard deal. Somewhere in Venezuela, Mr. Jones is wondering what the hell is going on.

· Despite being reported by ESPN, Mariners reliever George Sherrill denies being informed to take a physical in conjunction with a Bedard deal. Somewhere else, Adam Jones continues wondering.

1/29/08 - Jones' Hip Loses Some Hop

· Ken Rosenthal reports Angelos may be so upset about Jones confirming an imminent Bedard deal that the Orioles may decide to kill the deal altogether. The collective baseball universe rolls its eyes, snickers and mutters under stale breath "Good ol' Angelos."

· 12 hours later, a reporter from the Baltimore Sun contends during a sports radio program that Adam Jones has a degenerative hip condition which is the real reason behind the Bedard deal's sudden halt. Somewhere Jones' physician laughs. General Manager Bill Bavasi explains "All I can tell you is that we brought Adam Jones home from Venezuela."

1/30/08 - Let The Baby Have His Bottle

· 24 hours later The Seattle Times reports both the Orioles and Mariners are laughing off yesterday's report of a supposed Adam Jones hip condition killing the trade. The report's author believes the deal will still get done, explaining it would have moved forward had Angelos not been upset by Jones leaking the trade news. Angelos then cried "Goo Goo, Gaa Gaa," only quieting once he was handed his pacifier and blanky.

· Adam Jones struggles to understand how a toddler came to own the Orioles franchise.

· The Baltimore Sun reports the Bedard talks "are alive" but also suggests "other teams remain in the mix."

1/31/08 - Vengeance & Vidro

· Adam Jones, frustrated by a week of confusion and billionaire temper-tantrums decides to retire from baseball at the age of 22. Jones decides to pursue a career in the sports agent field. A few years later Jones exacts revenge, convincing Peter Angelos to trade Nick Markakis to the Mariners for Jose Vidro's Levitra supply.

[editor's note: this prediction in no way represents Adam Jones or any other coherant human- being]