That's Gotta Hurt Your Pie

Chicago Cubs outfielder Felix Pie will be out for 3-5 days and undergo surgery for an unprecedented injury to the family jewels:

Centerfielder Felix Pie will undergo surgery on Monday to correct a personal problem and miss 3-5 days, manager Lou Piniella announced before the Cubs-Brewers game.

Pie is suffering from what’s called testicular torsion, or, in layman’s terms, a twisted testicle. It happened early in camp, but Pie had the problem reduced manually, sources said, and was able to continue playing. He was scheduled to have the corrective surgery on the Cubs off-day next Monday, but when Pie reported to camp with soreness Monday, the Cubs decided to get the procedure done today.

The surgery involves sewing the outer layer of the testicle to the scrotum wall. The Cubs said it was a minor procedure, and if the problem was not corrected soon, Pie would risk losing the testicle.

The Cubbies clubhouse must be ragging on Pie pretty bad after this incident. When you have surgery to correct a "twisted testicle," it deserves classification as a major procedure. Anytime "sewing" and "scrotum wall" are mentioned in the same sentence, the surgical threat level should be immediately raised to at least orange.